Dear Miss Manners: Frequently, I hear voice mail greetings where the person I am calling informs me that they will return my call at their “earliest convenience.’’

Is this the appropriate/polite way to use this phrase? Am I wrong to find this a bit rude?

The phrase first appeared in business settings as a request ("Please return my call at your earliest convenience''), rather than a promise — the test results had come in and your doctor's office was expressing the hope that you would call back.

Promising that you will call someone back when it is convenient to you certainly lacks charm, although Miss Manners suspects that people have heard the phrase so many times they have simply stopped parsing the actual words.

Dear Miss Manners: What is the proper method of handling the sight of roaches walking across the floor of a restaurant? And what is the proper way to handle a server delivering food to the table, turning their head and coughing onto the food they are about to serve you? Please share your thoughts.

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The chief thought is: "Ewww. Time to find another restaurant.''

But in both cases, the problem needs to be brought to the attention of management, and, if not met with proper horror, the local health department, so that corrective action may be taken.

This is easier to do when the restaurant’s representative, in your case, the waiter, is not also the perpetrator. A properly trained waiter will demonstrate not just interest but grave concern over reports of infestations. A plate that has been coughed on should be replaced, a point you can take up with the waiter but may prefer to bring directly to higher authority.

Miss Manners warns you that in neither instance will it be easy to verify that corrective action has, or will be, taken. If the arrangement of vegetables on a plate that has supposedly been replaced looks familiar, you may wish to decamp.

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Dear Miss Manners: Please tell me if I am being too sensitive. Twice recently, I have invited groups of friends over for dinner. On each occasion, someone has responded that they weren’t available on the selected date, but would like for everyone to come to her home on an alternate date.

I find it rude to turn my invitation into a gathering at one’s own home. I believe that if you would like to host an event, you should initiate the invitation yourself.

Am I overreacting? This has really been bothering me, as I hate to upset my friends by not succumbing to their wishes.

Hospitality is meant to be reciprocated, a fact Miss Manners reminds you of, as it provides an easy solution to your predicament.

When one of your would-be guests proposes an alternate date, treat it as a separate event from your own — as the natural follow-up to your own event. Strictly speaking, one cannot reciprocate for an event one did not attend, but that is a technicality that friends should overlook.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com.

2017, by Judith Martin

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